What NOT to say
Many of you have been around people who are grieving after the death of a partner, or a child, or a parent. What do you say to them?
My granddaughter had just returned from Europe due to the unexpected death of her father. I drove to her house to be there for her. I rushed in, took her in my arms, and said, “Oh honey, how are you?”
She broke into tears and screamed, “How do you think I am? My father just died! How do you think I am?”
That set me back a bit. I then realized that the inane question “How are you?” is stupid. I have actually erased it from my greeting to a grieving person. Now I say things like, “I’m here for you.” Or “I’m so sorry.” Or a hug. But not, “How are you?”
When my husband Bill, after 12 years of marriage, died suddenly, I was a mess for more than a year. I heard some really idiotic statements to me.
“You’re used to living alone so you’ll be OK.”
“How long are you going to wear your wedding rings?”
“Will you continue to use his last name?”
“What are some good things that have come from this?”
These statements were not helpful to me. I suggest that you do not use them. Instead, just try to be there for the grieving person in any way you can.
Thought for the day:
I believe in the sun even when it is not shining.
I believe in love even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.